Today as I streamed the services of your 4 children, I heard agonizing cries of grief. I saw a sea of glistening faces amongst the pews, and a host of friends and loved ones alike, remembering their smiles, their laughs, and best friends remembering the hours of video game playing. I heard you give account via your letter to them, the times where your 19 year old son Chadney would squeeze you into a hug, scooping you off the ground. It made me think of my growing nephew doing the same to my sister. And how your younger daughter loved to dress up and get her hair done. I saw a flash of my nieces in their princess dresses, and I imagine that’s how your daughters were. I’ve seen photos of your daughter Kara and heard her voice through videos that have surfaced, and it was clear that she was not only physically beautiful but had a spirit to match. Its evident that your children were loved and that they were happy in your care.
I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but I speak for many when I say, I cried out in pain with you. The tears won’t stop falling. We are mourning with you and you are not in this alone though it may feel that way. There are drones of people that you don’t even know that are calling your name in prayer, asking Jesus to keep you in spite of. I hope you know that we know that you would never do anything to put your children in harms way. That in no way shape or form did you cause this to happen. Evil spirits are expert connivers, and their goal is to ultimately kill, steal, and destroy. This is not your doing.
Please know that we know that if you could, you would give your life a thousand times in their stead. That you’re probably racking your brain to see what you could have done differently. That you may have an infinity of should haves, could haves, and would haves. That you probably want to go to sleep and never wake up on this side of heaven, and I don’t blame you. I know this because I am a mother, and I could be you in some way, shape, or form.
That’s not being weak, that’s being a grieving mother of your children in this season. I’m not writing this to preach, and I’m not here to offer “they are in a better place” because they shouldn’t be anywhere but with you right now. But here we are- grieving, mourning, crying- with you, and calling out the name of Jesus on your behalf. Please remember that you are not alone. I pray that you feel the sweet spirit of our heavenly father around you each and every day. I pray that you’ll experience the peace of God that surpasses all understanding. I pray that through you, we’ll be able to see the joy for mourning and the beauty for ashes. I pray that God gives you EVERYTHING you need, and that your cup will truly run over in excess.
Thank you for allowing us to pay our respects to your children and to share in your mourning.
To my fellow believers, mothers, and fathers and all those who’s hearts are grieving, add her to your prayer lists. Remember Faith tomorrow and the day after, next month and next year. Remember her at Christmas, Easter, and during the summer months where the sun is shining and hot.
Remember her when the seasons change and your flowers find their bloom again. Faith, may grace and mercy follow you all the days of your life, and that during this time of painful change, that you too will bloom again, not in the way that you have before, but in a new way.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Rm 12:15